Friday, November 4, 2011

Tonight's Episode: Rise...

Heh. I'm really good at writing a blog. I haven't been here since July 27th, and on July 27th I used my post as an advert for CockNBullKid- which received absolutely no feedback. So, that wasn't pointless. CockNBullKid is amazing you guys. I promise. Give it a shot. But only if you want to. (I've never been wrong before though...)

Anyway, I'm back...and with a vengeance. Boy, do I have things to say...and boy, do I ever know how to say them.  For no reason at all, I've been trying to figure out my Official Top Ten Movie list. This list has gone through many-a-change over my 25 years, but I believe I've perfected it. For today at least. I now present to you, my top ten movies as of 5:25 PM on Friday November 4th, 2011:

My Revised Top Ten Movies List:

Alice in Wonderland (Cartoon!!!)
Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar
Mommie Dearest

Now, unlike my CockNBullKid post, I'm not using this space to try to advertise these films to you...I've just been working this out in my head the last couple of days, and wanted to have a place to share it. I thought this would be a good spot. Now that I'm looking at it though, I'm still not sure it's right....oh sigh. I should just have Amanda tell me what my top ten favorite movies are. She would know more than I would. Here are some films that didn't make the cut:

Mrs. Doubtfire
You, and Me, and Everyone We Know
Dolores Claiborne
Sister Act
The Matrix

Do you have a Top Ten Movie List? Are you able to write it without giving yourself a panic attack? If so, feel free to share it. Maybe I'll see things that I totally blocked out for some reason, and change my list 8 times because of you. 

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Tonight's Episode: Pure Delightful-ness

I don't have much to say. should totally check out CockNBullKid. (If you haven't already.) Here, I'll help:

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Tonight's Episode: "Bon Voyage!" or "Stranded on a Lake and Left to Die"


As you may or may not know, Amanda and I left for a relaxing vacay approximately two weeks ago. Amanda discussed this vacation briefly on her blog, so if you're already tired of hearing about it this is my warning to you to stop reading: STOP READING. Or, if you would prefer to hear Amanda's take on this event and haven't done so yet, this is me letting you do that: AMANDA IS AN AUTHOR. SHE PROBABLY TELLS STORIES BETTER THAN ME. READ HER TAKE ON THE TRIP FROM HELL HERE. Alright, now that all of that is out of the way, here I go:

Our trip began the night of June 20th. It was a Monday. (That's not really important. I'm just giving you some perspective.) Anyway, we just finished packing at about 12:08 A.M. and we were discussing when we should leave in the morning. Amanda, who is not a fan of rush hour traffic, originally had the plan of us getting up at 5:00 and hopefully being on the road at 6:00. But, seeing how late it was, Amanda was thinking we should leave later that afternoon. I didn't like that idea, because for some reason I was really excited about leaving at that point, so I came up with the idea that we just leave then...because there probably wouldn't be much rush hour traffic by 3:00 AM when we reached Minneapolis/St. Paul. So, we mulled it over, decided it was either the greatest or worst idea I've ever had, and we left. (In retrospect, the idea was neither that great, or that was basically just an idea.)

So, we drove for 6.5 hours, and we arrived at our destination. Breetroobrotz Houseboats. (That's not their actual name. I censored it. Because I wanted to.) Breetroobrotz Houseboats told us that we would have to wait a couple hours for our boat to be cleaned up, and ready for us to set foot on. We weren't pleased by this, seeing as SOME of us had been awake for 23 hours at that point. The other one of us had been awake for a mere 17 hours. So, we made the best of our time, and got breakfast at a restaurant at the resort, and walked on a path that a waitress at the restaurant told us was delightful and very scenic...either that waitress doesn't get out much, or we turned the wrong way and took an old dirt road. I'm guessing the fault was our own, though.

Finally, two hours later, as promised, we are permitted to board our houseboat. Some helpful young lads helped us unload our belongings onto the boat, and we were told to wait for instructions on how to operate said boat. I took this time to stand their awkwardly and wonder if I'm supposed to tip these people. I'm sure I was supposed to...but their were three of them. I never know what to do in that situation. Am I supposed to be give all of the money to one of the lads, and hope that he is an honest fellow who will share the tip with his coworkers, or do I have to find equal amounts of money and divide it between them? By the time I decided I would just give it to one of them, because I only had twenties, and didn't want to give a $60 tip, it was too late, and they had abandoned me. Oh well. (Heh heh heh....)

Next, our boat instructor came on board. He walked around, told us how things worked, told us places we could go, and showed us how to drive the boat. It was all very informative. However, he forgot to tell us that the lights on the boat are run on the boat's battery, and not the generator. This information would turn out to be quite useful.

So, we parked the boat. I tied it up to some trees, and hoped we wouldn't drift over to Canada. Then, we both went to our chambers, and took a well-deserved nap. I woke up before Mandy, so I popped in a Darkwing Duck DVD and ate a s'more. Then, Mandy got up. We were discussing how nice the boat was, and how the only bad thing about being up there was that we had no cell phone service...but we decided that the next day, we could just drive to a store and pick up a pay as you go phone, and use that while we were up there. Things were looking grand. Then, the lights in the boat began to dim. We were confused. We were piecing things together, and we finally figured out that the boat must be dying. I attempted to call for help on the CB radio...but nope, that didn't work, because the radio and the lights were both run off of the boat's battery, and everything else was run off of the generator. (Good things to tell people renting a boat, right?)

It was already dark at this point, so we just decided to figure things out in the morning.

The next morning, we went out, and tried to get the emergency boat that was attached to the houseboat to work. (It didn't.) We tried waving our lifejackets above our heads so that people driving near us would stop and help. (They didn't.) Besides watching more Darkwing Duck, and playing a half-assed game of Risk, this is how we spent our Wednesday. Trying to leave or get help, and not succeeding. The situation was starting to sink in for Amanda, as she spent most of the day telling me that J.K. Rowling or Oprah would have never gotten in this situation. I eased her pain by telling her that J.K. Rowling or Oprah probably wouldn't have rented a houseboat, if anything they would have rented a yacht with a captain. Amanda felt much better after that.

The next day, our situation started sinking in with me. I realized I can't last two days without knowing what's going on in the world. I kept thinking that my parents could be dead, or their could be a zombie outbreak, and I would have no clue. I woke up, determined to get the hell out of our little shitty hidden cove. I walked through the water, over to the emergency boat, and fiddled with the motor for about an hour (as if I had any clue what I was doing.) Finally, I got the motor in the water. I went and got Amanda, and told her that this was our chance for escape. We got in the boat, I got the motor started, and the boat...just sat there. It was loud. I could see the propeller moving. But we weren't. So, that was unfortunate. Next up, I tried the lifejacket thing again...this time for about 4 hours. With no success. People would drive by and stare. Or they would politely wave. But they wouldn't stop. Finally, we started making signs that said "HELP" and trying to flag down boats from our roof. This took a couple of hours, but a nice couple finally came over, and called our resort and told them we needed help. They came out about 30 minutes later, fixed our boat, and brought someone out to drive us back. Our driver was even more obsessed with Ninja Turtles than me, which was fun, but we were sooooooo ready to leave. The driver was being really nice, and trying to convince us to stay somewhere closer to the resort, so we could just walk over if something like that happened again...but we weren't really in the mood for it, and we kind of mostly tuned him out. When we finally got back, I felt bad for this, and gave him my beer as a peace-offering.

So, to make a long story less long, we're home now. And we're very happy about it. The morals of this tale are:
-Lights and radios use up your boat's battery. Keep your boat running if you're going to use them.
-If you're on a lake, and people are waving life jackets, don't wave back. Help.
-Big Brother starts tonight. You should totally watch it. 
-You probably just should have read Amanda's less ramble-y version of these events.

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Tonight's Episode: "Those Summer Nights"

Summer is fast approaching. For me, Summer is a lot like Winter. I stay in the house, and don't want to go outside because I'm not impressed by the temperature. However, a downfall to Summer compared to Winter is the lack of quality TV programming. Occasionally, there were Summers where I was pleased with the programming....but this Summer looks pretty bleak. I'll get to watch Big Brother (one of my biggest obsessions) but that's only on three days a week. What the hell am I supposed to do the other four days?! And the other 23 hours that Big Brother isn't on? Last year they had that one show on ABC...I think it was called True Beauty. I loved that show, because it was so horrible. At the end of every episode when Carson Kressley would tell someone that they aren't the "true beauty" the lights would dim, dramatic music would play, AND THEY WOULD PREPARE FOR THE HUGE REVEAL OF...Vanessa Minnillo. She was there to tell the contestants that they weren't being judged by what's on the outside, because it's what's on the inside that matters. None of the contestants ever gave a shit. She always looked slightly disappointed. I loved it. Sometimes I would fast forward through the whole show just for that part.

Then the year before that NBC had "I'm A Celebrity...Get Me Out Of Here!" where such stars as Lou Diamond Phillips, and Sanjaya (of American Idol fame), were stranded on an island, and forced to compete in really disgusting challenges. That show mostly sucked...a lot. I still really enjoyed watching it though. I think it might have been because of how much I hate Spencer Pratt. I never even watched "The Hills" or anything, but for a while there it was impossible to avoid seeing his face everywhere I looked. Yep...I'm a freak. I like getting pissed off at people that are on the TV. I can't stand Elisabeth Hasselbeck or Barbara Walters, yet I watch "The View" every day. Oh me.

It just sucks that there's nothing on right now to tide me over until Big Brother. My life is so rough. I taped that new Paris Hilton show last night. I might give that a try. And I still haven't watched "My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding." That looks like it might be horrible enough to be fun. I don't know what else I'm supposed to do. Go outside and actually live my own life? Gross.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Tonight's Episode: "Easily Persuaded"

So...hi. This is my first blog. Pretty much ever. Not entirely though...I used to write blogs on Xanga. Remember that? I wouldn't really call what I wrote blogs though...and I guess I won't call these blogs either. Because, to be honest, I don't really know what a blog is, so I probably don't know how to write one either. I will say, that I do plan on writing things here though...and I'm going to try to make these things be things that you might enjoy reading. Hopefully I will succeed.

Anywho, tomorrow Amanda and I are having a vlog (which is a video version of a blog, so at least I know half of what that is) in which we are answering questions that people have left on the comments page of her blog. I'm pretty excited for it. I was going over the questions today, and I saw that one person said "Hey Eric, why don't you have a blog? I would enjoy seeing what you have to say." or something like, I did it. It doesn't take much to convince me to do things. One time Amanda set up this big obstacle course for me and my friend, and she was going to pay the winner. It involved things like eating cat food, eating several bananas and sitting on a merry-go-round, and rolling down hills...but it ended in a tie. She said that if one of us put on a Depends® undergarment and pooped ourselves, we would be declared the winner. So, I did it. I like winning...and that definitely made me a winner.

Following along with this train of thought, I listened to this person, and made a blog. I don't know if I'm going to stick with it or not. I don't know if I even actually want to do it. I don't know how to make decisions on my own. But, for now, I think it'll be fun. For me at least. Hopefully (if I'm lucky) Amanda will follow this blog, and get to find out what I really think about her. That would be a thrill. I don't get to see her enough., that's all I have to say right now. I guess I just wanted to inform myself that I'm writing a blog.

(Honest question- Because I still don't know what a blog is. Obviously Amanda's blog is meant for people to read, because she shares book releases and crap there...but for a normal average nobody like myself, is a blog supposed to be like a diary? That I post on the internet? That anyone can read? Who am I writing to? Am I asking these questions to myself? Should I answer myself?)